Side B and Celibacy: Quick Assessment

A short reflection on Side B (http://mudbloodcatholic.blogspot.com/2016/03/gay-and-catholic-part-i-gaystation-two.html) lesbian, gay and bisexual Christians, originally written as a comment to a friend –

There’s much that I’m grateful for in the witness of Side B Christians. Christianity as I understand it is, in many ways, a fiercely ascetic religion and the Side B crowd has done the Christian community a real service in drawing renewed attention to the necessity of self-discipline, sacrifice and ascesis in Christian life.

With that said, I worry about the rhetoric of sacrifice. I think for a sacrifice to be life-giving, at least in my experience, three things need to be present: (Criterion 1)  sacrifice must be motivated by love and aimed at growing in knowledge of and respect for God, other people, and the image of God in oneself; in other words, rightly done, sacrifice is a means to the end of nourishing covenantal relationships (Criterion 2) sacrifice must be supported by love (God’s love, if nothing else) (Criterion 3) sacrifice cannot be demanded as a precondition of recognizing someone as child of God –  His fatherhood is already given, and sacrifice has to be a free gift.

And I think the kind of sacrifice that Side B folks are being asked to engage in, in giving up sex, falls afoul of the first and third criteria. You can’t nourish covenantal relationships with God and other humans, and respect the Divine Image you bear, if you’re seen as inherently relationally stunted by virtue of being queer, and the celibacy mandate cannot be enforced as a “Your one job this side of the General Resurrection is: don’t have gayseks!” thing. The irony that most of the straight folk doing the enforcing are married and having sex is not lost on me.

I also feel like Side B gay Christians are being used – they’re trotted out when needed, but I don’t think  many straight Evangelicals, straight Catholics, or straight Orthodox who are happy to listen to defenses of “traditional marriage” will heed the larger issues Side B folk bring up about problems in the conservative church.

That’s what gets me about Wes Hill, Eve Tushnet, et al. – their work is weaponized to hurt people, they have to know this, and yet they stay. Perhaps that shouldn’t make me angry, but it does. We're talking imprecatory-psalms-level of angry. It's not even so much anger at them as anger at a church culture that treats lesbian, gay and bisexual folk like tubes of toothpaste: not people, but things to be used, rolled up, and thrown away.

The unspoken subtext from most straight conservatives is: "You can have your humanity and your relationship with God, when I say so. Terms and conditions may apply."

If that is generosity, God knows we could use less of it.